What The Hell Are We Doing Online – With the Women?

Photo Credit: PakistanKiBaatein.Com
Photo Credit: PakistanKiBaatein.Com

I am a person with an open and calm mind; I never mind if a person of some other sex surpasses my ability, passion and success, same is the case with the same-sex guys, by the way. This is why, whenever I come across some highly embarrassed people who cannot bear with all that greatness which the people of opposite sex have, I become extremely sorrowful. I am going to talk about online abuse of women, especially in Pakistan.

This article has been featured on PakistanKiBaatein.Com with the title: Fruit Expectation After Abusing Women Online

Suppose you are a Pakistani girl (if you are not)

Now, suppose you are a Pakistani girl (if you are not) and you want to hang out with your friends, colleagues and classmates on Facebook, Twitter or somewhere else online. What would you think? May be the below given lines pops into your mind:

“What my parents will think on that?”

“How bad my boyfriend or husband would treat like?”

“How will be I welcomed online, after-all I am a girl?”

“If I upload my photos, will there be some ill-use of photo adobe shop or related software?

“Will I also be called, ‘Behaya’, ‘Begherat’ or ‘Over’ like my friend Fatima used to be called one when once she tried to go online (say, who already uses internet)”

“Or If I upload my photos, will there be ill-words used for me?”

Many such questions may storm into your mind and that would probably stop you to go online. Or if you are brave enough to go, you will probably be not uploading your photos especially selfies. Why, because there’s hell out there. There’s a large uncouth crowd waiting to bombard word-shells at you. All those crap only because you are a girl, a Pakistani one or may be because you are not behaving the way those uneducated people would like you to. Pathetically disgusting!

Suppose you are a Pakistani man/boy (if you are not, already)

Let’s consider that you are a Pakistani man/boy (if you are not, already) and some woman/girl near you (your sister, mother, daughter, wife etc) decides to go online, post her photos, what would be your response? Let’s be realistic, would you not think like she has gone mad? If no, you have to give her instructions for staying safe online, which may include;

“Don’t upload your photos or else those will be used for fake profiles or for humiliating you through some photo editing software.”

“Don’t show your real name and/or address – fake it all”

The above given sentences said and asked are not mere co-incidences or just kind of ignorance; it does happen in our bitter society that women feel insecurity online and offline as well. We need to take serious actions to stop that. 32 million of 180 million people of Pakistan are using internet regularly and as in real life, women are also humiliated online.

Recently, some of the fine Pakistani actors got into the Bollywood movies, as we have been reporting here on PakistanKiBaatein. This is kind of a very typical male-oriented society where men respect men, not women and women humiliate women. Male and female members are integral parts of human society. Realistically and logically, there can never be a question mark on the ability and potential of women. Human-beings are powerfully intelligent (which include both sexes – not mere men). Let’s, now, get back to that Bollywood-talk, Fawad Khan, Ali Zafar and Imran Abbas were (and are) appreciated for their work in Bollywood; while Humaima Malik (like Veena Malik, Meera etc) was (and is) humiliated for excellently superb performance. Why, because she’s a woman and she must be humiliated for being so. Isn’t it heart-wrenching for a real human? Let’s have a quick view at what people were (and are) talking about her:

Question arises how can we expect others to behave the way we want them to? Why? Don’t take it easy by mere thinking that she was an actress or she was doing something really messing. Same is the case with all other ordinary women all around the world, especially in a country like Pakistan. If you are a good human being, male or female whatsoever, you must be feeling guilty for all that crapL. This is true face of our male oriented society of Pakistan. I know I know, there’s a good face too; but here we are talking about the abuse of women online. This also depicts the reality in minds of the masses. This is not limited to ‘online extent’; they also go made against you in the real world. Some of the cases are given below:


In one case documented by Bytes for All, Pakistan an online hate campaign last year urging the rape and murder of a prominent human rights defender culminated in shots being fired at the woman and her husband. She received hundreds of threats and the addresses of her family were posted online, along with pictures of her and her daughter. “She suffered nightmares of being raped, of family members being harmed because of her,” the group said.


In another case that spotlights the limitations of Pakistan’s police, a 14-year-old girl was blackmailed into submitting to repeated gang rapes after her boyfriend threatened to post online a video he had secretly shot of the two together. The slight, shy girl told Reuters she was too ashamed to tell her family and gave into her abuser’s demands.

3.      Avoiding Going Online

When Bollywood Katrina Kaif was asked why she doesn’t come on social media, she showed sense of insecurity because of ‘ill-words’ used the masses out there. Recently another star from India Depika Padukone raised her voice against a tweet by Indian media giant Times of India (TOI) in which she as a woman was objectified. It also means that this worst situation is not made by the people who most of the people call ‘common’ only, it’s been incorporated by the media. After all they are to attract people.

Open-minded celebrities like Katrina Kaif avoid going online because of the rubbish; now guess the situation of a common girl. Even one of my female friends stopped using Facebook just because of plenty of uncouth people using ill-words, ill-using her photos and even making her fake profile and using it to humiliate her personality online.

There’re many such countless cases which you have come across. This is the story of every 2nd girl, especially in Pakistan. People lost tolerance.

Who to Blame; Technology or People?

Samantha Allen who is a writer of Sexuality and Gender writes at The Beast,

“We are accustomed to thinking that the prevalence of sexist Internet harassment is a problem with people rather than a problem with technology. Accordingly, most efforts to make the Internet a more hospitable place for women are reactive approaches that seek to address problems after they take place, rather than proactive approaches that seek to prevent harassment at its technological roots. ”

So, according to her, we must take some preventive measures to tackle these serious issues that are rolling in our society as a menace. Most rapes are committed by men against women and we are the nation which teaches our women how to avoid that rather than teaching men not to mess like brutal animal. Same is the case online, we teach our women how to stay safe online rather than teaching men not spread their frustration all round.  Google India is helping to bring women online in India for last couple of years. It started another campaign with the help of MARD by Bollywood celebrity Farhan Akhtar called ‘ReachForTheSky’ will look to generate awareness about the need to get women online. So, technology is helping women but its drivers i.e human-beings are not supporting it. I am not saying that technology doesn’t need to be fair and safe, it must be, but we all human beings (especially men in this case) must come forward – stand by women.

Last word of My Mouth

I interviewed a person who humiliated Humaima Malik and others of his female Facebook friends. He was of the view that evil must at-least be condemned if not stopped by force. He is right as far as philosophy is concerned (not the case of Humaima as for many people including me, she’s doing her job well); but may I ask how to condemn? Calling someone a ‘Bhen Chod (Sister fucker)’, ‘Begherat(Humiliated)’ or ‘Randi(Slut)’ is a way to condemn or to improve those guys? Does this make others better? Simple true answer to it is; ‘Never’. Still, people are using ill-words and even actions as described in some cases given above. Why? Promise me you will think about it later. Promise me you will be a man/woman with good manner in both worlds – online and offline. Promise me you will not say ill-words even if someone’s not behaving the way you want him/her to, because it’s his/her life. If you want to make others better, make yourself better enough that people get inspiration from you. One real man can make an end to abuse women online (and offline as well). Present the good-stuff in good way, let this world glow with men and women.

I love your own words, so, do share your views, cases, words and success-stories in the comments below. And I am sure you are going to share the words on Facebook, Twitter and other social media with your loved ones. Thanks


7 thoughts on “What The Hell Are We Doing Online – With the Women?

  1. Wanted to give you a personal review of your fabulous article in which evidence the fears of women in the use of new technologies available to us.
    In fact in Pakistan and other countries such access remains very conditioned by fear and cultural burden.
    I realized that to show her face the woman may be subject to a series of humiliations, in internet.
    You explain this process very well, but above all to invite reflection. Ask the men and women to place themselves in different roles to reflect on the consequences of ladies’ using of internet and the behavior of men face such use.
    Above all seem to want everyone to understand and even change their disrespectful attitude that men have toward women and women to lose the fear and assume a role of respect in the face of internet’s utilization.
    So your text looks fantastic to me in the sense that you promoves changing in a peaceful way.
    Promoting change through conflict resolution passes without doubt in the dialogue and collective reflection help society to grow and transform itself.
    Abdul continues and a good job.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hye Paulo, it’s really encouraging to have your words here at this post of my blog. Thank you so very much for your stay here.
      Yes, you are right, it’s kinda very effective practice to interchange the role of being male-female and then they will come to know about the real feelings.
      Again, Thank you so very much for your words here.


  2. Wow! This was insanely amazing to read. I just happened to stumble on your blog from a comment you left on dearblogger.org
    This is the only post I have read so far, but I am so psyched to delve into more. My boyfriend was born and raised in Pakistan and doesn’t talk too much about it.
    Anyways, have a wonderful Tuesday, will be back again soon.
    PS. I am just beginning my blog (finally) after thinging it over for a year, it would mean a lot to me if you read it!


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